Digging yourself out of the deep end

Hi, my name is Emilie, and I have Severe depression or MDD (Major depressive disorder).
As this is my first blog, I know it is starting off strong, but I am a very blunt person, and I like to cut to the chase without any sugarcoating if you know what I mean. 😉

I have struggled with all the highs and lows of depression ever since I can remember. I didn’t have a happy childhood, which most certainly did not continue as I got older.
Don’t get me wrong, I have experienced moments of happiness in certain areas of my life: the day I got married, my son’s birth, and my husband and I finally owning a home after years of homelessness.

I can tell you the same thing everyone says: Life is a struggle but worth it, or Life is a series of small tests that are given to help you grow stronger. But would that honestly make you feel any better? Not entirely. I will tell you that however pedantic they may seem, they still ring true.
It took me far too long to learn this. I was very stubborn in my ways, and it didn’t help me in any way, shape, or form. It just hurt me. Doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome is insanity.

Unlearning harmful behaviors that perpetuate a negative mindset can feel like torture to your brain. It’s a challenging process that requires significant mental effort and resilience. It can be unbelievably hard to admit that you’re mistaken or your views are wrong.
However, I have one silver lining, thanks to my beloved. He taught me one thing: to push past my bad habits and negativity, and he has only ever said this: “Garbage in, Garbage out.” You can’t expect to have a good attitude about life if you’re only putting garbage into it. I can not tell you how much this irked me!
It felt like he was taking away all the things that comforted me. In all reality, he was helping me chase away all the bad things in my life because how can you feel good about yourself if all you listen to is heavy, dark, and gloomy music, which were often accompanied by shows and movies that lacked any sense of depth or creativity? It was just mindless droll. I was wasting my life, wasting my time.

Thanks to my husband’s invaluable guidance, I can confidently say I’ve become a better version of myself today. I still deal with depression, but it’s like the giant grizzly bear that used to hang over my shoulders has turned into a friendly teddy bear that I can carry around. It’s still there, but I’m finding ways to handle it and steer my emotions away from a downward spiral.

If you want to understand the “Garbage in, Garbage out” concept my husband taught me, start with a genuine openness to change.

Being sincerely ready for change is critical. Embracing this mindset can be challenging, but it’s a valuable lesson on the journey of personal growth.
You can start with baby steps—that’s all life is—baby steps. Start by listening to the lyrics of your favorite songs; what are they saying? Are they good, hurtful, or kind to you or others?

( I need you to understand that words have an incredible power to shape our reality and breathe life into existence. They can inspire, encourage, and uplift or wound, discourage, and bring despair. It’s important to recognize the impact of the words we use, as they have the ability to create and transform our world. Let’s focus on that for a moment. )

When I say words are powerful, they truly are; if you are the kind of person who says things like “It can’t get any worse than this” or “These things always happen to me,” Well, let me tell you, it can get worse and yes, it will always happen to you. You are affirming to the universe that these are the things you expect. So what should the universe do? Not listen to you? You speak that negativity into reality and are never surprised when things go awry.

Why not share some positivity instead? Let’s celebrate your strength, your ability to inspire, and the love surrounding you. The universe will respond to your energy and reflect it back to you. Embrace the positivity you deserve and expect it to manifest like any negative energy. Your words have power, and spreading positivity will only attract more of it into your life. Keep shining!

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates

So, with this knowledge, I want you to think about those lyrics. Are you speaking positivity back out as you sing along to these songs? If your answer is ‘No,’ you gotta drop it. I get how tough this is, but it honestly works. It was one of the most challenging things for me to do, and it represents one of the most significant changes in my life. I gave up ALL of my music. But I replaced them with new genres I probably wouldn’t have even considered listening to previously.
I won’t lie to you; I do miss the music I listened to as I was deep into my depression, but trying to listen to it now. I have no interest. TV shows and movies are no different. They’re just not appealing to me anymore. It’s like giving up soda to fuel your body with what it really needs: water.

I’m not telling you these things to push you in the direction I want you in. I’m just saying that this is what really helped me pull myself out of the depths of depression and start making progress.

Either way, I hope my suggestions will give you some new insight into life; if not, thanks for reading anyway!